Lesson learned

I learned when I was engaged that I'll be a lot happier if, instead of focusing on what it is about my situation that makes my life hard, I focus on what it is about my particular situation that makes my life uniquely better. Being engaged pretty much stinks. There are very few things you can do when you're engaged that aren't better either when you're just dating or you're married. In order to maintain my sunny disposition, however, I have to find those few things and capitalize on them. In case you're curious, those things are (1) planning a wedding for real and (2) going on really nice double dates with single friends.

I revisited this philosophy when I was pregnant in law school. Believe me, it's really easy to feel sorry for yourself when you're pregnant in law school, especially if, like me, you're naturally inclined to be lazy. But there are somethings about law school that are better when you're pregnant (having an additional insight into discussions about abortion, child advocacy, career planning, feminism, and disability law, for example) and there are some things about being pregnant that are better if you're in law school (having really good friends to tell you how cute you are and who might throw you a themed baby shower, for example). No matter how cold comfort these things sound, you really will have a better life if you find out what they are and really throw yourself into making the most of them.

The trick is to make sure that you focus on your own situation and keep your awesome ideas to yourself. If you think too much about why other people should be happy about their lives, it's kind of like thinking about why you should be unhappy, and that defeats the purpose. I have a bunch of friends who are single Mormon women, and lately I've been thinking too much about how happy I would be if I were a single Mormon woman because I could focus on my education, my career, and my independence. It started making me feel bitter about my temporary pauses in my education, career, etc.

This morning, as Baby sneezed soggy cereal all over himself, his mother, and his last set of clean clothes, I saw myself as my single friends might see me: a cereal-covered young married mom who can't seem to keep her baby bathed, her husband fed, and her hair brushed into it's limp little ponytail. Who, instead of focusing on the celestial bliss of wifehood and motherhood, whines about her lack of autonomy. There's nothing like a shower of Crispix to jerk you back into reality.

So, at least for today, I plan to reconsider the manifold merits of being a cereal-covered young married mom in Provo. (Did I mention I'm back from New York? I'm back from New York.) In fact, here is one right now: On a deathly hot day like today, I have the option of splashing around in a wading pool with my baby, making him profoundly happy. That is what I'm going to do.